Posted in Life Update ;)

Letting Go

Hello, Okay, first of all, thank you for reading I know this is usually said at the end of the post. But no one really reads what you write these days because obviously, they have better things to read than a teenager’s blog. I really don’t know why I am writing this post maybe the reason is there are a lot of things going on in my head and I want to share them with someone and what is better than blogging anonymously. I would soon be leaving my current city and moving to a new one I am very excited for it but I have some fears too.

I am happy that I’ll leave this city and move somewhere, where I will be having a clean slate and can develop myself as a better human. The only concern is I am leaving a lot behind. I have my family, My best friends with whom I’ve spent my life with. I also very concerned about the girl I’m in love with. I know we love each other and she has told me about it. I have tried long distance before and I can say it without hesitation IT SUCKS( sorry to all those who are in a long distance relationship right now, it sucked for me doesn’t mean it will be the same for you)

I am really afraid that all the people I know might change when I come back. All those I knew deeply could become strangers. What if the girl I love does not acknowledge me. What if she has a change of heart. One of my fears is what if I change myself and not notice it. I know it will e devasting if those who love me say that you have changed. It is kind of like saying you are not the person I loved. I just hope I don’t change neither do the ones I want to surround myself with.

Thanks a lot! You read the whole thing. Though I might not know who you are it means a lot you read it. Please drop a comment or send me an E-mail on vester.miles@gmail.com. I can talk about the Universe, God, Love, Philosophy and Comics.

Posted in poetry

Blinded

Light will show and light will blind,

My arms are weak but there’s one last fight

Perhaps with new eyes the world I’ll see

But blinded the world is and blinded is me.

 

It’s just too beautiful to notice,

You push me as hard as you can

But hold my hand so tight it hurts

Then you tell me I love you.

Posted in Uncategorized

Words.

I want my words to be like the smile on your face,

Simple, genuine and yet provoking. 

Posted in Life As A Teenager, Love, poetry, Thoughts

A Message For a Loner…

A deep fear of losing you

A restless urge to let you go

Eyes seeking forgiveness

Not the same you used to know

I look at your lazy smile

and the crazy heart within

I write my heartbeats in cursive

Let a new story begin…

Posted in Uncategorized

All That I Need

A bunch of old photos

Are eyeful to see

A handful of heart

And some heartbeats

A head full of melodies

And some songs to sing

Your hand in mine

Is all that I need…

Posted in Uncategorized

A Step Ahead…

hey! thanks for stopping by… It is a totally packed week and I was looking for some time to blog. It has been going great for me as I mention in some earlier posts that I had applied for a University Entrance. I appeared for the entrance test and cleared it. I have been really happy since then. I have also been scoring well in the internal tests that were held in my school and was the 2nd most scorer. Things are going well and I have a plan for the following week. I have to appear for a personal interview for the same university. I really want it to work out as it’s a really good institution with a GREAT culture. It will also give me some freedom and I’ll spend 3 years away from home. It will help me in exploring myself more and also make me more self-dependent. If that does not happen and I so hope it does. I will have to look at opportunities in my city itself. I have also moved forward in my relationships and that too is going really well. If I crack the Interviews too. She is looking at moving to Bangalore with me. That actually tells me that she is really serious about it. I still have some minor things to do. I have to decide what to wear, plan how I’ll go to the venue and collect letters of recommendation. I have prepared for the interview and I hope it goes well. I have to practice some breathing exercises to get over the initial nervousness that I face. Other than that. ALL IS WELL 😉

Posted in Articles, Love, Thoughts

Another Breakup…

Okay.. Now, Now I’m going sound REALLY teenage. I had a breakup, again. I thought this time it will work out but it did not. All thanks to my foolishness.  I was having a really beautiful time with her and I thought this time MAYBE this time, it’s gonna work out. But, it did not. It all started with the lack of time we spent with each other. We are having our prep-tests so we could only talk for 2-3 mins before the tests before both of us went back to revising. I guess her tests didn’t go well and she used to seem sad after the exams and rushed to go home. so after tests consider 10 mins. The average break we get is 4 days per test. So in 4 days we used to talk for 15 mins. Bad huh? She told me that I should call her, But when I did she spoke to me for 45 secs and then she hung up again. When I used to chat with her that too was for a VERY short duration.

I loved to see her photos on her Facebook timeline. I was doing the same when I looking at some of her posts. I saw her writing… sometimes it’s better to be alone…  She also changed her profile picture to a sad crying emoji. On her posts, I saw a pattern of comments… She replied to some and ignored others and it could be seen in many of her posts. So, after my hours of watching House M.D. and reading books of sherlock, an idea sprung up in my mind. That idea was of her cheating on me. I STILL don’t know if it is right or wrong. So to satisfy this thirst, this curiosity to know. I asked for her Facebook Email and password.  On this, she got furious and Wrote a really long message breaking up. I did the same writing thrice the long message apologising though it did not seem a really big issue a boyfriend asking for his girlfriend’s email and password of facebook. Like how many couples exchange them? MANY!! .

So she blocked me,  I called her a million times she did not respond and until the end of this post things are clear in my mind and I’m over her(did not expect that to happen).

*I am thinking of not dating ANYONE till I’m done with my finals and I hope it works out(hehe).

Posted in Articles, Uncategorized

A Peak Inside My Head…

I have seen many people feel intrigued by my usual behaviour, and I have been called creepy, antisocial and I am waiting for the point in time when they start calling me a psychopath. If I say I don’t know why they say it or express it with their body language which is intended for me to read, Then I’d be lying. The Basic thing that separates me and them is a little thing called perspective and if you start calling me negative minded or pessimistic after reading for some time you should not stop reading.

It is this world that we live in bounded by a social contract amongst each other and naming it as morals and good karma. It sometimes makes me laugh how afraid we are of the monsters inside us. Yes, I know what you are thinking of right now… questioning yourself and everything around you.

No matters how high the human consciousness that we take so much pride in rises, It will never rise higher than the hardwired traits we received from our ancestors. It makes us feel happy if we are with people, people that care, share, and love. It is all a big hoax nothing in it true. Everyone seeks advantage in each other. If you have nothing to offer… you are trash.. nothing in this world.

All the morals and all norms that are set are to save us from each other. We are hollow, sad and miserable creatures on the face of the earth just cancer growing slowly deforming its beautiful face.

Do you think you have a purpose in life? Do you think the people out there need you? They don’t!, They would be quite happy if you just die and if some of them are sad, they are probably imagining themselves dying. All the fairy tales you are told about you were born to do something great and your life has a special purpose. All the time you spent on Goodreads reading quotes that make you feel good about yourself, you are just consoling yourself.  telling yourself you are not the miserable little monster you are.

You are not special, You don’t have a purpose in life, everything you’ll do will be forgotten and you’ll never be happy. You don’t even know what happiness is, it is just a chemical reaction when dopamine and other hormones released in your body to make you feel good.

Everything around me is a joke, a temporary agreement that will change with time. We try to be with people that say good things to us, And those who are cruel to us are bad to you and you try to avoid them.  Everything thing you say or do doesn’t matter, to me you are a fool. My little own entertainment. I just watch you people run around trying to make a stand and try so hard to make people remember you. But the fact is, nobody will and the ones who do will soon die. You are nothing just 1 of the 7 billion fools walking around…

This was just one aspect on my views about you, a little tour just a glance of the thoughts I have.. hope you are satisfied by the answer of the question for me being so different.

If you did not understand what I just told I pity you…

Posted in Love, Uncategorized

Missing Someone Special…

Hello there! So I’ve got your attention now :D. I’m writing after a long time now and Through this while life has been making some steep turns. I HAVE to prepare for my finals but with everything going on in my life I’m getting distracted. Last month I broke up with my girlfriend and I might be sounding a little teenager now but, I was in a long distance relationship with her. We were not able to keep it because we had some issues over we had to work on and we had our differences and also Long distance is REALLY difficult. I was going through the shock of it and the pain that came after that. After some time, it seemed to fade and I thought of working on my studies now but then. I got into a relationship with my best friend. Let me tell you something about her, She is a REALLY good person by her heart and Exceptionally beautiful. I have to admit I already had a crush on her But I assumed that I am deep in the friend zone and worked on my friendship.

She shared every little secret she housed and all her problems. I did the same and I started liking her and I think she noticed it. She was my new bench partner and I LOVED! her company and on a beautiful afternoon just 3 days back she asked me out.  I was kind of blown away by her words and by the end of the day. We were together. She and I are still dating but She hasn’t been returning my texts or my calls. I don’t know what’s going in her mind but I love her and want this to work out.

*And if you are reading this post, I just want to tell you that I really love and trust you with all my heart*